Dear Hipsters…

Dear London Hipsters,

I’m writing to kindly ask you to please just stop. Just for a while. Please stop being so achingly cool and reminding me of how daggy I am in comparison.

Look at you, on your little fixie bike. Look how cute it is. I rode one of those once, and nearly fell off it. I need bikes with gears and brakes just to make it to the shops in one piece.

Look at you, with your moody fringe and vintage jumper. (Or is it American Apparel? I can never quite tell.) I can never get the whole fringe look quite right.

An open letter to Twinings.

Dear Twinings,

I have been addicted to your Earl Grey Blend since the age of five. It has seen me through exams, heartbreak, and lazy Sunday mornings. However, I may soon have to switch to another brand.