A few months ago, I wrote a post called ‘The Twenties Gap’, where I made history and created a new phrase that will come to define our generation. *You can hear the sarcasm, right?
What is the Twenties Gap? Glad you asked!
Ever since, I can’t stop thinking about other ways my teenage self would be severely disappointed in the way things have turned out. So here it is, the second instalment of The Twenties Gap!
On My Friends
Teenager Me: We’re all gonna stay best friends, right? I mean, how could we NOT stay friends? We’ll hang out every single day, except instead of playing the EyeCube and eating junk food (that’s so childish), we’ll meet in cool urban bars and drink those cocktails like they drink on Sex and the City. I think they’re called a Cosmopolitan?
Twenties Me: Instead of an EyeCube, we now play Nintendo Wii. I rule at Mario Kart. From my group at school, I probably see two of them on a regular basis. That’s okay though – I’m friends with loads of people that I hadn’t even met yet.
There was a smaller group of five of us that used to be really close, but trying to get us all to meet up takes months of preparation and someone usually bails anyway. There comes a point when it’s just not worth it anymore.
Twenties Gap: 5/10
On My Drinking Habits
Teenager Me: So those cocktails I mentioned before? The Cosmo type things? Yeah, I’m going to ONLY drink those. And other cocktails, of course. I like the ones with fruit best.
And vodka cranberries, because that’s what people drink, right?
Twenties Me: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH A COCKTAIL COSTS? About $20, that’s how much. And that $20 could easily get me two or three cheaper drinks, which in the alcohol content + price – calories equation, works out a whole lot better. Come at me happy hour!
The exception to this rule is when I make them myself, because I am fantastic at making Pimms and I think I still have some duty free.
Twenties Gap: 9/10
On My Eating Habits
Teenager Me: It’ll be so good living on my own, because then I’ll finally be able to eat healthily and not have chocolate in the house that my family insists on buying.
Twenties Me: Peanut butter is a food group, right?
Twenties Gap: 6/10 *This is partly because I love to eat healthily, rarely find the energy to do it, and at 15 still believed low fat milk was gross. And still drank full fat coke in situations when I wasn’t hungover.
On Getting A Tattoo
Teenager Me: I’m going to get a tattoo on my lower back the second I turn 18. Maybe something tribal. Urgh, I can’t believe my parents won’t let me get one now.
Twenties Me: Mum and Dad, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being so disapproving and not letting me get that tattoo. Also, this is not a joke. I found my old MySpace page and it pretty much said exactly that. I still want a tattoo, but a) definitely not a tramp stamp, b) definitely not something tribal, and c) definitely not someplace that will get me called slutty or fired.
Twenties Gap: 8/10
On My Writing Habits
Teenager Me: Maybe I’ll stop writing weird stuff on the internet and finally write that novel. You know, after I finish my essay.
Twenties Me: lol jokes I blog.
And I still have an essay due.
Twenties Gap: 10/10